WONDERS of HAZELNUT. ♥

I don't know why and how, but I hate myself for writing so much about lost friendship, about how painful it is for me everytime I notice my process of letting people go. Again, I continue to ask myself if I'm just way too emotional and how much do I really attached myself with the relationship I share with other people. Maybe I feel too deeply. But for today, my take away for this lost friendship that is very personal for me, is that it's gonna be okay, we all go through this. We grow up and sometimes grew apart, we change preference. And also I must enjoy myself with all the friends I have at present and about to have in the future. What's important is that I should learn to dwell in the good memories that we had. But for today, yes I'm letting go of a friendship where I have to watch what I say and what I do. Today, I will set myself free from the expectations I have for the friendship we have. It's okay to let go of long-time friendship, it's okay Hizil. ...

Is it only me? Everytime I become angry and blurt out random words, even though it felt like I was on the right side I still feel sad and bad. Is it because I don't want the feeling of being shout at that's why I feel bad every time I raise my voice on other people also? It doesn't feel relieving because on my point of view, raising your voice doesn't always mean your making a point, sometimes its even the opposite. It's just irritating sometimes because I have observe even in my position, that we tend not to listen when people are raising their voice on us, instead its more into the part of wanting to ignore and to prove your point also that we are the one who is right. As I grew up, I've learned to ignore and when I'm the one who is angry, I've also learned to ignore. I don't want shouting and I don't want being shout at. Let's learn to raise our point not our voice when we're angry or rather, let's keep our cool first when angry, d...

2020, 2021 --- felt like I'm losing two of my bestfriends this pandemic. And when I say I'm losing, it means like we're slowly growing apart. There is this healthy apart that they say because its true that we are all growing up and this is just a natural phase, a part of it. I'm not saying they are not my friends anymore but I kept telling myself to stop hoping that they can still be my one-call away friends, which means an answer to the question "who do you call at your saddest or happiest moment or at random moments?" Right now, it feels sad and very frustrating that I don't even know, in my mind, I kept telling I'll just keep it to myself and that's okay because when you feel like no one's there for you anymore, you have to make sure you're there for yourself. Stay strong, self. Keep wandering.