hope but not hope

whenever it feels so heavy sometimes I would silently wish that the universe would return this all to the both of you, but it would feel heavier to wish something like this, pero kasi it was both your choice to hurt someone so bad na sobrang traumatizing, why? wala padin sagot, sana masaya kayo.

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thank you Lord

thank you Lord for always being nice to me despite me doing all the running away stuff from so many problems, thank you for the courage, for the heart that still wants to keep going no matter what. thank you for all the good people you surround me with, i pray for a heart that would always want to be good to other people, that would always choose to be kind and to help more. thank you for all the people who are praying for me. i will try again because i truly believe that you planted this dream in my heart for a reason, even tho hirap na hirap na ako intindihin ang med i will always choose to stay in this field, someday makakaraos din. for now, aral ulit! keep going hizil and just trust the process. love, hezelnut coconut
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If only.

I and a very close person to my heart was trying to talk about what could and might eventually happen in the future. I remembered us talking about this a few months ago and came out with a conclusion that we remain as friends as much as we can because this is the relatioship were we think we will last longer. And then that issue again came out of the topic, and he asked me if there was a chance that I can love him. I was very doubtful. I didn't know what to answer because I know deep within me, there was already a something. Something that I have kept too long. Something that I know if known can break a friendship. Something that was very risky. It was the mindset that some things are better left unsaid, that some things we don't know won't hurt us. I told him yes, I am right now, that I already love him but he instead replied me with a laugh and assuming that I was lying because he believes that my heart still belongs to the one who broke it, that I was  still not finish o...
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Trying Hard to be an Independent Biatch!!!!

Yes, countless times, I have always tried hard to be independent. I may say it can be considered as forced training to be independent at times because of the situations I have. Most of the time I complain, complain to myself. Do stuffs like this, talk it out with myself just to let all those emotions burst out. How can we say life is unfair? Well I guess, there is no certain criteria where life would really be considered as fair. At the end of the day, you live where you are deciding what to do on how to re-route or change your situation to some stuffs you are eyeing on to be in the future. It was always a continuous battle with my mind on how to be better, on how to improve, on what to do just to keep going and living. Felt countless times that I am alone during my deepest and lowest moments but forced myself to see things in another light, it is an endless reminder to myself that there are still other things that I must be thankful for, to find those little itsy bitsy things to consi...
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