If only.

I and a very close person to my heart was trying to talk about what could and might eventually happen in the future. I remembered us talking about this a few months ago and came out with a conclusion that we remain as friends as much as we can because this is the relatioship were we think we will last longer. And then that issue again came out of the topic, and he asked me if there was a chance that I can love him. I was very doubtful. I didn't know what to answer because I know deep within me, there was already a something. Something that I have kept too long. Something that I know if known can break a friendship. Something that was very risky. It was the mindset that some things are better left unsaid, that some things we don't know won't hurt us. I told him yes, I am right now, that I already love him but he instead replied me with a laugh and assuming that I was lying because he believes that my heart still belongs to the one who broke it, that I was  still not finish of getting over him. I was confused. I laughingly replied to him and returned him the same question he asked me, and he said yes. There were so many other conversations. We were both having the same situations thinking of the what ifs of the future. If maybe in the future there might be an us. I felt the fear of entrusting someone of my own feelings. I was afraid of trying to risk myself, to give chance to others to have their own choices of whether hurting me, leaving me or must possibly try to be loyal with me and love me unconditionally (which in my case believes it is something impossible.) Maybe for now, we still choose to be in the situation where we can last even with the confused doubts. Both of us were afraid of risking one another. For the meantime, maybe I will let time heal all my wounds, I will let time cover up all the pain and fear that has kept me uneasy. Maybe will just wait for what destiny and fate might do to bring us back to each other or maybe the other way around. If only we were brave enough. If only we had the courage. If only. If only.



hahahahahahahahaha jk.