Out of reach.

I find it hard to stop stalking someone I really like, though his just someone I just met. I want to know him better, know if there some chances I can get close to him. Though deep inside me I know it is something impossible to happen.I want to be friends with him, know him better. I know what you're thinking but yes maybe that's one of the connections I want to have as well but then its beyond the equation. I don't have that guts and I am a girl with a very complicated personality. I don't speak very confident. He has that persona of a leader, of a person who is something beyond my reach. He is someone known by many. And so when I try to look up to him, I see a lot of people beside me whose trying to do the same. I have a very high regards with someone who has concern with other people not related to you directly like friends, family. I have high regards to a person who tries to seize the days despite of its imperfections. To someone who try to see a positive side in everything. We are so many who admire him and yes, I kind of belittle myself to realize that for him I maybe just one random person in a crowd. we sometimes talk, short conversations, that's all. Sometimes my day just never gets any brighter when he smiles. There are times when he looks so serious, so tired yet try to show other people that he can handle it because he gives out his best ion everything he does. I sometimes worry when I try to think of giving meaning to some question he ask about me. I know, we know guys has that disorder of not knowing that their actions already means something special to someone. And girls also has that mentality of giving some meaning to the actions of other guys, although for the guys, its nothing. Yes, that is what I am scared of. I never want to assume of something that is not stated. I am scared of falling for someone that I am not sure if he would catch me. I am scared of taking risk. Because I was hurt, a lot of times. I was always the one who gets left behind in the end. I am scared of investing feelings. Why is this all about what I am scared of. Why? I sometimes think that maybe someone or maybe he remains to be out of my reach for some reasons that I myself is the one who tries to get away from him. I am the reason why we have this gap because I am fond of building barriers between anybody. I always wait and expect people to give effort to try to destroy that barrier and know me better. And people don't usually do that so I remain to have strong walls around me. It's a sad life but this life is the reason why this is the way I am. Still strong. Still fighting whatever it takes to make my life worth the while. End it.