Hopeless

I hate myself for doubting a lot of people. For not giving anybody the chance to prove their worth to me. For degrading their hopes and easily rejecting them. I hate myself for trying to build walls between me and other people. I act sensitive about little things, I get hurt easily. I've learned how to hide the pain and time goes by, letting people get away from me became my defense mechanism. When there was no one to support me or depend for me, that's when I started to fight for my own battles. To believe that I can be my more useful when I only believe myself. When mind was set that people will always eventually leave so why take the risk to make romantic connections and deeper relationship. I am really hopeless.