ain’t we strong by trying to stay strong?

hahahahaha the title got me questioning myself too? nuraw. In the middle of the night, or maybe in the middle of the madaling araw, I am here in Baguio, downstairs of the apartment where I'm staying at. Got back from Vigan and instead of letting the cold and my thoughts consume me, i decided to write before all the batteries run off.

I visited Tita awhile ago and isn't it funny that in my thoughts, I was telling Tita how much of a kind, patient and loving person she was to me and that I wanna be like her despite all the pains I had to go through. I know she knows how hurt I am but I kept telling myself I am still blessed to have experienced growing up by their side and that I know I grew up with the best people by my side trying their best to give me the things I need and want against all odds. They raised me well, they raised me to be a good person.

And so I kept praying that despite everything, I want to be as kind, patient and loving person like Tita. I want to be as tough as her while staying soft inside, not wanting to dump and keep all those grudges inside me. I've always prayed hard to be able to let go of it all before it weighs me down more. I have always prayed to be able to surrender it all. In the end, aside from peace, I've always prayed for a heart that wants to let go of all the love I can offer, to whoever needs it, and maybe that's why I kept those children's smile inside my heart very close, because I want to be happy and be able to radiate it to them as well. Life taught me so many things but one thing for sure, tigilan mo na to hizilnut hahahaha

huy, san na ko napadpad nanaman with my thoughts? ending this random thoughts to tell myself na you're almost there love, stay strong and keep going! Always pray! And don't give up love, I gotchu. And someone gotchu also from above, pati na guardian angel mo. GEH, nginig to the bones muna ulit. Good morning Baguio, its 4 am and i am choosing to be okay. Love, Hizilnut.