WONDERS of HAZELNUT. ♥

Another randomness is triggering inside me. I don't know what will be the outcome of this post but I guess it will contain some of the random feelings I've felt for the past few days, months. I am quite struggling. Well, we are all struggling everyday with everything that we encounter. Bad or good, it's up to how we try to see things. I am trying to help myself mature into different things. Its kind of sad that at some point I try to see my self drifting away from people who truly matters. It seems like I am overprotecting myself from people around me. It seems like this attitude is trying to drag me away from great opportunities. I am still in battle with myself, always. And I am sorry for the people I have tried to push away from me. I'm sorry for the negative things that I have told about myself. I am sorry for discouraging you. For my friends, I am sorry for sometimes thinking negative things about you. I have trust issues, to almost everyone I meet. We can't g...

Hi Kyle, To be honest, it is you, it was you that I can only consider as my guy best friend, my real guy best friend. I don't know why, I won't blame life. Its reality that life is not fair and reality also that there are no permanent things, people in life. Everyone's temporary but at most I thought that in the relationship that we share, our friendship was something I can hope that could last a lifetime, something that would last long but then it did not. I don't want this to be another reason for me to not believe that someday there would be someone that will stay, very long, that there would be someone that will truly love me the way I deserve to be loved. I am talking about all the forms of love you can think, family, friends, lovers, strangers, whatever. But right now, I am in constant of having faith that even though people are not consistent in my life. I will have God beside me. I am really feeling frustrated of the lost friendship. It was something special...

I am here, again and again. Its almost the end of the semester and I guess this semester was one of the dullest yet weirdest, I don't know why. It's like I know that there are some things, many things that happened yet I don't feel anything. Everything that happened is trying to force me to feel nothing. I have guarded myself with high wall against all people. I am scared of feeling hurt again, so I am always trying to push people away from me. And no one dares to stay and I guess that's just fine because its the reason why I am still here within my comfort zone. I know, I am knowledgeable of all thing wrong mindset I have. Believe me, I am trying to change myself for the better but I am trying to do it step by step. I know that everything that comes easy, will go easily as well. I am trying to learn to love myself. Its kinda weird that at this point of time, I am confused. I am very confused of all the things that I want to do, that I want to happen in my life. But t...

I finally decided to lie low on everything that's happening in my life. I know that only dead fish go with the flow but maybe sometimes its okay to be a dead fish. Its okay to just let yourself rest and then after regaining your energy, you can continue going for another direction that may later on help me be happy. Its kinda tiring to always try something new, always trying to take risk. Maybe its time to just let the fear be there and not overcome it. Let fear become the warning of pain. Let me avoid fear, let me avoid pain. Just let me be.

I am currently in conflict with myself. Yes, I make it an excuse na ang problema ko is friends, family, anything, everything but then ang totoo. I am always in a battle with myself. Ganun naman lagi actually ganun dapat pero it turns out that I take this situation in a negative way, not in a way that people usually say "always try to compete with yourself because in that way, you can be a better person. I am actually tired of my daily routines. Me going to school, doing works related to school, to my internship, with my friends, with every people that I meet, with every guy that seems to like me. I am tired of trying to deal with everything that is happening because after all, until now I cannot still define or differentiate the difference between real and fake because, again and again, I myself, I am a fake. Finally, there I said it. And its a fact, its the truth that I guess I have to accept and then probably try to change. I am tired of smiling. Because sometimes, all the t...

If ever you get the chance to read this, I know you know yourself. I hope you know that you are the one I am talking about here in this whatever you want to call this that I will soon post.  I am currently thinking about you. Stating the obvious actually. I don't know. It's like that there's something that makes me think about you for how many random times. If you quite know my be now, maybe you don't know how to deal with this feelings that I am encountering. I am not fond of dealing with guys deeply. Yes I talk to guys but then I don't try to talk to them into deeper conversations. Almost a month palang kasi tayong nagkakausap talaga, and once lang na nagkasama talaga so yes, I still don't consider my feelings as something urgent or important or something that I should worry about. But yes, I kinda think that I am starting to like you but then I am hoping that I won't fall for you. I guess its a bad idea.  You make me feel special kaso I am so wor...

I am currently an intern somewhere. Yes, I know my friends would immediately know that I am really nervous of all these things that are happening. Its really a fast paced situation. Its like one moment, I was just waiting for my clinical internship to start and then the next moment, I am already looking for a probable company that can hire me. And yes, I am already hired and I hope I can gain all the confidence I need to fulfill all my responsibilities and I am hoping I could enhance my English communication skill so I can cope up with the applicants I would be taking charge. Whatever happens, be positive Lesh.

Its been quite long when I last posted here. Why? I tried to create another account of blogspot because I was kind of shy, I was kind of doubting myself if this is w hat I r eally want, If I were that willing enough to let other people read and know stuf f inside my head, my thoughts, my feelings, my views in life in a very diff eren t way. How I indulge myself with words that contains my emotions, my suffering, my cha lle nges, everything that I am going through. But then I suddenly thought just now that cliche as it may sound, I have that freedom of expression and I guess I am hurting nobody with the words I am typing. And just maybe, someday this site would only be a part of my past, not just past but memories that will remind me of the lessons I have learned, the opportunities I have grabbed, the challenges that push me to fight, and also times that I have cried, I have stumble. But then in every downfall, I rise, I never would try to wave the white flag though honestly, there are...