Pray for me, forever.
I am here, again and again. Its almost the end of the semester and I guess this semester was one of the dullest yet weirdest, I don't know why. It's like I know that there are some things, many things that happened yet I don't feel anything. Everything that happened is trying to force me to feel nothing. I have guarded myself with high wall against all people. I am scared of feeling hurt again, so I am always trying to push people away from me. And no one dares to stay and I guess that's just fine because its the reason why I am still here within my comfort zone.
I know, I am knowledgeable of all thing wrong mindset I have. Believe me, I am trying to change myself for the better but I am trying to do it step by step. I know that everything that comes easy, will go easily as well. I am trying to learn to love myself. Its kinda weird that at this point of time, I am confused. I am very confused of all the things that I want to do, that I want to happen in my life. But then I thought, its just normal to be in this stage. I must take this as an advantage because at least I am trying to think of my future and not just letting time do it work, going with the flow. I want to be a lot of things that sometimes when I get to think of all this things that I want to be, I doubt and belittle myself. Why?
Maybe if you know me, you will think that I'm quite joking when I tell you that there are times when I think I want to enter a monastery. I am sometimes an extrovert and I don't know, I just feel like I am not in peace outside this world. I am the type of person who wants to travel the world but then I thought of this. Its feels like I want myself to be there because that's the only place that I will feel secure and safe from all the danger. That is the place I know that I can also be happy because I know some convents are like orphanage, full of kids. And I want to give my life to God and in service of other people. Yes, this is weird.
But by this time, I have not yet finalized anything with what is going to happen with my life. I am still seeking for the guidance of God, still seeking for signs of what He wants me to do. I am still considering my plans of becoming a Dr. I still want to be a Dr.
So yeah. I hope you pray for me that I can still remain strong towards my faith in God and syempre be balance also of becoming logical of the things that are happening. Pray for me that I maybe able to remove all the bitterness in my heart so I can easily decide on things.
I know, I am knowledgeable of all thing wrong mindset I have. Believe me, I am trying to change myself for the better but I am trying to do it step by step. I know that everything that comes easy, will go easily as well. I am trying to learn to love myself. Its kinda weird that at this point of time, I am confused. I am very confused of all the things that I want to do, that I want to happen in my life. But then I thought, its just normal to be in this stage. I must take this as an advantage because at least I am trying to think of my future and not just letting time do it work, going with the flow. I want to be a lot of things that sometimes when I get to think of all this things that I want to be, I doubt and belittle myself. Why?
Maybe if you know me, you will think that I'm quite joking when I tell you that there are times when I think I want to enter a monastery. I am sometimes an extrovert and I don't know, I just feel like I am not in peace outside this world. I am the type of person who wants to travel the world but then I thought of this. Its feels like I want myself to be there because that's the only place that I will feel secure and safe from all the danger. That is the place I know that I can also be happy because I know some convents are like orphanage, full of kids. And I want to give my life to God and in service of other people. Yes, this is weird.
But by this time, I have not yet finalized anything with what is going to happen with my life. I am still seeking for the guidance of God, still seeking for signs of what He wants me to do. I am still considering my plans of becoming a Dr. I still want to be a Dr.
So yeah. I hope you pray for me that I can still remain strong towards my faith in God and syempre be balance also of becoming logical of the things that are happening. Pray for me that I maybe able to remove all the bitterness in my heart so I can easily decide on things.
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