to begin again

its june 1, and my birthmonth, and in a few weeks another number to my age. i hope this would be another beginning, another chance for me to become a better person and learn from eveything that happened. i hope this month would help me heal more, forgive more. this too shall pass hizil so while you are still hanging in there, hold on tight because everything will be okay, not now but sooner or later. it wont rain forever. love, hizil

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Hi Mico!

If ever you get the chance to read this, I know you know yourself. I hope you know that you are the one I am talking about here in this whatever you want to call this that I will soon post.  I am currently thinking about you. Stating the obvious actually. I don't know. It's like that there's something that makes me think about you for how many random times. If you quite know my be now, maybe you don't know how to deal with this feelings that I am encountering. I am not fond of dealing with guys deeply. Yes I talk to guys but then I don't try to talk to them into deeper conversations. Almost a month palang kasi tayong nagkakausap talaga, and once lang na nagkasama talaga so yes, I still don't consider my feelings as something urgent or important or something that I should worry about. But yes, I kinda think that I am starting to like you but then I am hoping that I won't fall for you. I guess its a bad idea.  You make me feel special kaso I am so wor...
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I and a very close person to my heart was trying to talk about what could and might eventually happen in the future. I remembered us talking about this a few months ago and came out with a conclusion that we remain as friends as much as we can because this is the relatioship were we think we will last longer. And then that issue again came out of the topic, and he asked me if there was a chance that I can love him. I was very doubtful. I didn't know what to answer because I know deep within me, there was already a something. Something that I have kept too long. Something that I know if known can break a friendship. Something that was very risky. It was the mindset that some things are better left unsaid, that some things we don't know won't hurt us. I told him yes, I am right now, that I already love him but he instead replied me with a laugh and assuming that I was lying because he believes that my heart still belongs to the one who broke it, that I was  still not finish o...
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I hate myself for doubting a lot of people. For not giving anybody the chance to prove their worth to me. For degrading their hopes and easily rejecting them. I hate myself for trying to build walls between me and other people. I act sensitive about little things, I get hurt easily. I've learned how to hide the pain and time goes by, letting people get away from me became my defense mechanism. When there was no one to support me or depend for me, that's when I started to fight for my own battles. To believe that I can be my more useful when I only believe myself. When mind was set that people will always eventually leave so why take the risk to make romantic connections and deeper relationship. I am really hopeless.
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